


Twinker

by Jeromvalska



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Abuse, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Bullying, Character Death, Crack, Drug Use, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Flashbacks, Fluff, Jerome is a little shit but what’s new, Love/Hate, Mental Instability, Murder, Past Sexual Abuse, School Shootings, Sexual Tension, Suicide Attempt, Violence, he’s mean in this, india eisley - Freeform, jerome is my joker, only a tiny bit of crack here and there for good measure
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-23
Updated: 2020-03-27
Packaged: 2020-07-12 05:07:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19940689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jeromvalska/pseuds/Jeromvalska
Summary: it hurts to think. so i quit thinking and went straight to murder.it hurts to feel. so i quit feeling anything at all.i'm trapped in my mind all day.i want out.Pain/pān/noun1. mental suffering or distresssynonyms : sorrow, grief, heartache, misery, despair, bitternessantonym : happinessHigh/hī/adjective1. feeling euphoric, especially from the effects of drugs or alcoholsynonyms : wasted, delirious, stoned, intoxicated, ecstasy, druggedantonym : soberTW: drug use, alcoholism, murder, school shooting (implied), abuse, suicide attempts





	1. cast

India Eisley as _Charlotte (Cherry) Stone_

Cameron Monaghan as _Jerome Valeska_

Ben Mckenzie as _Jim Gordon_

Jaz Sinclair as _Wendy Daniels_

the rest of the gotham cast as themselves. 


	2. playlist

**heathens by Twenty-One Pilots**

"you're lovin' on the psychopath sitting next to you.

you're lovin'' on the murderer sitting next to you.

you'll think, "how'd i get here, sitting next to you?"

**dark paradise by Lana Del Rey**

"and there's no remedy for memory

your face is like a melody,

it won't leave my head.

your soul is haunting me and telling me that everything is fine

but i wish i was dead."

**gangsta by Kehlani**

"i'm fucked up, i'm black and blue

i'm built for it, all the abuse

i got secrets, that nobody, nobody knows"

**young god by Halsey**

"he says, "oh, baby girl, don't get cut on my edges

i'm the king of everything and oh, my tongue is a weapon

there's a light in the crack that's separating your thighs

and if you wanna go to heaven you, should fuck me tonight"

**summertime sadness by Lana Del Rey**

"oh my god, i feel it in the air

telephone wires above

are sizzling like a snare

honey, i'm on fire, i feel it everywhere

nothing scares me anymore"

**gingerbread man by Melanie Martinez**

"i need a gingerbread man, the one i'll feed

the gingerbread man, the one i'll eat

one who's always crazy

never calls me baby

that's the one that i want"

**shadow preachers by Zella Day**

"you make we wanna love, hate, cry, take, every part of you

you make me wanna scream, burn, touch, learn, every part of you"

**teenagers by My Chemical Romance**

"they said all teenagers scare the living shit out of me

they could care less

as long as someone'll bleed

so darken your clothes, or strike a violent pose

maybe they'll leave you alone, but not me"

**basket case by Green Day**

"sometimes i give myself the creeps

sometimes my mind plays tricks on me

it all keeps adding up

i think i'm cracking up

am i just paranoid?"

**cry baby by Melanie Martinez**

“you’re all on your own and you’ve lost all your friends.

you told yourself that it’s not you, it’s them 

you’re one of a kind and no one understands 

but those crybaby tears keep coming back again.” 

**scars by Boy Epic**

"no i'm not what you think that i am made of

i'm a story, i'm a break up

just a hero on a bridge that's burning down

can you see my scars

can you feel my heart

this is all of me for all of the world to see"

**jerome by Zella Day**

"he was a quiet man

with blood stains on his hands

the silver kissed him with scars so heavy"

**control by Halsey**

"i've grown familiar with villains that live in my head.

they beg me to write them so they'll never die when i'm dead."

**back against the wall by Cage the Elephant**

"i said, you got where you want me again and i can't turn away

i'm hanging by a thread and i'm feeling like i'll fall

i'm stuck here in between the shadows of my yesterday.

i want to get away

i need to get away."

**blood in the cut by K. Flay**

"Guess i'm contagious

it'd be safest if you ran

fuck, that's what they all just end up doing in the end.

take my car, paint it black

take my arm, break it in half.

say something, do it soon

it's too quiet in this room,

i need noise."

**mad hatter by Melanie Martinez**

"i'm nuts, baby i'm mad

the craziest friend that you've ever had

you think i'm psycho

you think i'm gone

tell the psychiatrist something is wrong

over the bend, entirely bonkers

you like me best when i'm off my rocker

tell you a secret, i'm not alarmed

so what if i'm crazy? the best people are."

**one way or another by Blondie**

"one way or another, i'm gonna lose ya

i'm gonna give you the slip

a slip of the hip or another, i'm gonna lose ya

i'm gonna trick ya, i'll trick ya."

**how far does the dark go by Anya Marina**

"playing games

in the black of the night

stumbling, close my eyes

standing here, on the edge, petrified

all alone, on the side

how far does the dark go?"

**bad romance by Lady Gaga**

"i want your psycho, your vertigo shtick

want you in my rear window, baby you're sick

i want your love

love, love, love

i want your love."

**habits by Tove Lo**

"spend my days locked in a haze

trying to forget you babe

i fall back down

gotta stay high all my life"

**me myself and i by G-Eazy and Bebe Rexha**

"and as far as i can see i just need privacy

plus a whole lot of tree

fuck all this modesty

i just need space to do me get a world that they're tryna see."

**ain't no rest for the wicked by Cage the Elephant**

"there ain't no rest for the wicked

money don't grow on trees

i got bills to pay i got mouths to feed

there ain't nothing in this world for free

oh no i can't slow down, i can't hold back

though you know i wish i could

there ain't no rest for the wicked

until we close our eyes for good."

**i shall rise by Karen O**

"they'll know my name.

after the storms are passing through

they'll know my name

when they've forgotten about you

they'll know my name"

**pumped up kicked by Foster the People**

"all the other the kids with the pumped up kicks better run

better run

outrun my gun.

all the other the kids with the pumped up kicks better run

better run

faster than my bullet."

**training wheels by Melanie Martinez**

”i love everything you do

when you call me fucking dumb for the stupid things i do

i wanna ride my bike with you

fully undressed

no training wheels left for you. 

i’ll pull them off for you.”

**smells like teen spirit by Think Up Anger ft Malia J (Cover)**

"i'm worse at what i do best

and for this gift i feel blessed

our little group has always been

and always will until the end

with the lights out, it's less dangerous

here we are now, entertain us

i feel stupid and contagious

here we are now, entertain us"

**human by Rag'n'Bone Man**

"maybe i'm foolish, maybe i'm blind

thinking i can see through this and see what's behind

got no way to prove it, so maybe i'm lying

but i'm only human after all

i'm only human after all

don't put your blame on me"


	3. ;;

_it hurts to think. so i quit thinking and went straight to murder._

_it hurts to feel. so i quit feeling anything at all._

_i'm trapped in my mind all day._

_i want out._

Pain

/pān/

_noun_

1\. mental suffering or distress

 _synonyms_ : sorrow, grief, heartache, misery, despair, bitterness

 _antonym_ : happiness

High

/hī/

_adjective_

1\. feeling euphoric, especially from the effects of drugs or alcohol

 _synonyms_ : wasted, delirious, stoned, intoxicated, ecstasy, drugged

 _antonym_ : sober


	4. prologue

sometimes i wonder how it feels to be normal. is it enjoyable? are normal people bored? it seems boring. but maybe they like it that way.

is anyone really normal? we're all a little off. we all have a weird side.

or maybe i just don't want to be alone anymore.

it hurts, thinking. it causes a queasy feeling of panic.

just stop thinking. just do. do whatever the hell you want. don't think about the consequences. what's the worst that could happen?

i have nothing to care about. no pets. no family. no friends. not even myself.

we're all gonna die anyway.

i'm not eager to die, but i'm not afraid of it either. if i die, i die. nothing to it. 

i want to be forgotten. i want to be insignificant. it's easier that way. just another crazy.

that's not true.

i'm lying to myself.

i want to mean something, to be important, but i'm not.

i used to dream of being normal. but they told i never would be.

so i proved them right.

they wanted a monster, a freak, a crazy, i gave them one.

_knock_   


but this is gotham, all the monsters blend. some roam the streets. some carry out their days in Blackgate. some rot in arkham.

_knock_

i have nothing and i'm okay with that. i'm free from the shackles of guilt and love.

but i'm chained down by something else.

_knock_

it itches at me. i can't take it. it tears me apart every night.

_knock_

the withdrawal.

_knock_

is ironically driving me insane.

_knock_.

"SHUT UP!" i scream. the knocking stops. i hear a girl giggle from down the hall.

"what're you laughing at, nutty?" i yell out. the giggle pauses, before continuing again.

i sigh. the sigh turns into a quiet sob. i stop myself and suck in a breath.

i hear a scream. a man's. must be a loud one if i can hear it from the woman's ward.

he's begging something to stop. over and over.

"looks like Ricky's having night troubles again." i hear Maggie say. i stand up and walk to the closed door. i put my hands on the bars.

only seconds later a guard comes by and threatens to break my fingers if i don't move my hands.

i don't move. the women in the hall are watching intently.

he tells me i have three seconds.

three seconds later, he opens my door.

i know what's coming. i long for it. 

he hits me. in the face and in the gut. it hurts. it reminds me i'm alive. it's a different kind of drug.

the door slams shut.

i laugh. my laughter fills the cell, fills the hallway. soon my neighbors laugh along with me.

there's something wrong with me, they say?

welcome to arkham asylum!

there's something wrong with all of us...


	5. I

i step out of my cell and see a long line of women do the same. 

i exchange a look with Erin, an acquaintance of mine. she's a couple decades older than me and has a twitching problem. "nice bruise." she comments. 

"fuck off." i reply as we walk in line for breakfast. 

"did you hear?" she asks while playing with we hands. i hate it when she does that. it makes me more anxious than i already am. it makes her look weak, which makes me look weak too. 

"hear what?" i say. 

"we're getting a new batch today." she tells me. more crazies. 

"fresh meat." i smirk. "look Erin, we get gravy and dry biscuits." i say. Erin's face lights up. 

the stale pancakes, the dry biscuits and gravy, and the disgusting oatmeal are the best breakfasts in arkham. i guess today's a lucky day. 

we get our plates and sit down. only moments after the women get their food, the men come in to get theirs. 

i watch as the same group of jackasses sit together. Richard Sionis, some guy named Greenwood, some twitchy dude whose name is unknown, Michael Carson, and Aaron Helzinger. okay- Aaron isn't a jackass. he's a total sweetheart, but the rest are jackasses. 

they are the worst in here. they hate each other but always sit together like some high school cliche. i snicker at the memories of my own school covered in blood. 

of course no girls in the group. it's not a rule, it's just no woman proves herself worthy, or slutty enough to sit over there. 

the gate buzzes. one of the newbies are here. i look over. it's a kid about my age. he's handcuffed. they only handcuff you if your the slippery kind. he's also laughing like it's the best day of his life. i shake my head and roll my eyes. 

another jackass. 

he won't last a week with that cocky attitude he obviously has. 

it's a shame, he was cute. 

his eyes land on me. his goofy smile turns dark. i raise an eyebrow. he laughs. 

the second he's out of sight, i itch the needle marks on my arm. i'm feeling lightheaded again. 

Erin hits my arm. "that's one of them." 

"i know, Erin." i sigh in annoyance. i glance at the jackasses again, they almost look intrigued. 

of course they do. a new jackass for their merry band of jackasses. 

"should we kill him?" Erin asks excitedly. i shrug. "go ahead." she giggles. i bite my lip. there's one question bugging me. 

i stand up to go to the one person who would know. 

"hey jackass," i say approaching Sionis. he looks up, slightly surprised. "who's the new kid?" 

"excuse me?"

"that newb that just walked through here, who is he?" 

"i don't know." he lies 

"bullshit." 

he sets his biscuit down. "you come to me, demanding information and expect me to just give it to you? this is a two way street, sweetheart. so unless you have something to offer me in return, you're out of luck." he says. 

i scoff. "don't call me sweetheart." i say and walk away.


	6. II

i stand in the art room, with a paint brush in hand and an old nail in the other. i'm sharpening it for a weapon. erin's at the other side of the room scribbling on a paper with crayon. 

the newb comes in. Erin looks at me, but i ignore her. she stands up and goes behind the boy and kicked the back of his knee. he falls to the ground. she punches him in the face twice before giggling like a kid on Christmas. the inmates are cheering, one of them makes sure the guards can't come in. 

the boy just smiles and grabs her ankle, she falls. he grabs a chunk of hair and bashes Erin's head against the floor over and over until she's dead and laughs as he does so. i don't move. i almost feel bad for Erin.

almost. 

but i'm really just shocked. 

the guards bust in. they handcuff him but before they drag him out, he gives me a look that told me he knew. he killed her on purpose. Erin specifically. he's trying to tell me something without actually saying anything. he winks at me and laughs as they drag him out. 

bastard. 

my chest feels heavy. my breathing accelerates and i start to itch my needle marks. 

i need it. i need it now. 

i need to feel numb again. it won't go away. i feel like i'm gonna cry. i start to scratch harder, until my arms bleeding. i start to cry. the guards come in and take me to my cell. i'm "having an episode" as the doc calls it. 

as they take me to my cell, my stomach get queasy. a moment later and there's vomit on the guard's shoes. 

"you little-" he goes to punch me but the other guard stops him. "don't. she'll probably like puke again." 

the guard grumbled and grabbed my arm and threw me in my cell. they put me in a straight jacket to stop me from hurting myself and left. 

i thought about Erin. her death kinda sucked, but this is arkham. death is expected. i underestimated that kid. he might make it in this hellhole after all. 

i wanted to punch him in the face. he's a, what's the word?   
jackass. he's a jackass, but the worst kind of jackass. 

i need a new acquaintance.


	7. III

i step out of my cell and the guards get me out the straight jacket. i walk in line for breakfast. 

i get my shitty breakfast and sit down in the same place i always do. 

what am i even eating? it looks disgusting. i'm not even hungry. 

i push my plate away. i notice that new kid is sitting with the jackasses. i see Aaron still in line for food. Aaron's nice. he strong too, he can be my new acquaintance. 

"Aaron!" i yell. he looks at me. i wave for him to come over. he smiles and gets out of line. he sits across from me. i gesture for him to have my plate some he didn't eat any food. 

"hey, Aaron." i say. he looks up. "can you answer a question for me?"

he nods. 

"what's that redhead's name?" 

Aaron looks confused, he probably doesn't even know who i'm talking about. i roll my eyes. whatever. i sit back in my chair and kick my legs up on the table. 

"Aaron!" Richard calls. he looks up. "come here." 

Aaron looks at me, unsure. "i should go over there." he says. my blood boils. "Aaron, who would you rather hang out with, 'pretty lady' or those bozos?" 

he thinks about it. "pretty lady." 

"good choice." i answer. i smirk at Richard and give a mock-shrug. "you heard him." 

"you are cruel." Richard says. i raise an eyebrow for him to continue. "preying on the idiot." 

"hey." Aaron looks offended. i put on a offended face. "He is not an idiot." 

"yeah, i'm not an idiot." he says. The newb giggles. "and since your new best friend here murdered my only friend, i took one of yours." 

Richard scowls at the redhead, who just smiles. "hey, this is a two way street, after all." i say with a smirk.

i get my feet off the table. "kill that guy there, for me, would ya?" i whispered to Aaron and pointed at that Carson dude. he stood up and grabbed him by the neck and snapped it. the guards took Aaron away. the entire jackass squad scowled at me, except the redhead- who laughed.

later, at lunch, the redhead sat across from me. "you lookin to start a war, doll face?" he says. 

maybe i am. 

i shrug. "sure, why not?" 

he laughs. "oh, i like you." 

"uh-huh." i say uninterested as i pick at my macaroni. "as fun as that would be, i can get you what you want." he says 

"i'm sorry, who are you again?" i ask. he looks happy i asked for his name. "Jerome Valeska, at your service." he says fancily. "and you are?"  
"Cherry. and how exactly would you know what i want?" 

"your dress has short sleeves, darling." he states. i look down and see the obvious needle marks. i get an itch just thinking about it. he laughs at my reaction. "and what do you want, huh?" i ask. 

"you'll see." he says darkly. 

“fuck it. sure." i answer.


End file.
